Helpful advice from Helen B. Andelin:
What do I mean by a difficult man? It can mean many things but especially one who is impatient, irritable, angry, grumpy, stubborn, obstinate or just distant. In the 1980 TV movie series, “All in the Family,” Archie Bunker is a perfect example of a difficult man and his wife Edith handled him remarkably well.
What are the...rules for handling such a difficult man? I recommend the following:
First, check into your own life...Do you have a smooth running home? Are things picked up around the house? Dinner on time? When dinner is unnecessarily late and he is increasingly hungry, it can bring out the worst in a man. Are you spending too much money? Too much time talking on the phone? And how are you treating him?... Do you build him, or trample on him? Are you nourishing his soul with appreciation and admiration, and filling his other masculine needs?...
Next, check into his life. Is he having problems in his work? Are his plans being frustrated? Is he overloaded with responsibility with no solution in sight? Under a strain? Is he working for a goal that is draining off his energy, his patience? Or is his life the opposite - dull and monotonous, passing him by with nothing to show for it? How is his health? Does he feel up to par physically? If any of the above applies you can help him immeasurably by being patient and understanding, by expressing sympathy for his problems and trust in his ability to solve problems or reach his goals. When a man’s life is difficult his wife has her best opportunity to prove her worth. She is more indispensable to his happiness.
And last, you may have to accept some of his obstinacy as inborn. Some men have thin nerves. Life is more difficult for them. So, accept his short tempered nature as a part of him and don’t try to change him into a sweet tempered man or you may be in for more trouble. He may not know how to change and this can frustrate him, trap his emotions and make him more ill tempered than ever. It has been observed by some that the higher a man’s goals the more short-tempered he is inclined to be. We have covered the three possible causes of a man’s difficult nature and the best way to deal with them. But, how should a woman react at the moment a man is difficult? The following are two positive methods...:
One way is to be feminine. Use a gentle approach. An old Christian Hymn reads, “You can speak a gentle word, to the heart with anger stirred.” It is a method of handling an irritable husband in a way that will disarm him so that his anger softens or even disappears.
An excellent example of this is the way in which Mrs. Carl Sandberg handled her husband, recorded in the book, A Great and Glorious Romance. The Sandberg’s daughter Helga writes of her parents, “There never were loud arguments back and forth in our house. My father raged and roared, and often. But it was one way. My mother coaxed him out of it. Once when he was very old I saw him pull at a door that was stuck. He rattled the handle and shouted. My mother, a small woman, looked up at him and patted his chest. “What a fine strong voice,” she said. Disarmed he stood there, in love. It was a thread established early, and woven through their life.”
The second and probably the best way to handle a difficult man, at the moment he is difficult, is to react (with)...teasing playfulness... The prime example I have given of this quality is Babbie from the novel The Little Minister by James Barrie. Babbie is such an excellent example that I have devoted most of the chapter to quotes from the book, which demonstrate her childlike quality of teasing playfulness in handling the short tempered Little Minister in a way that won his heart and soul. To quote from the book:
Babbie had tricked the Little Minister into helping her escape through a line of soldiers by pretending to be his wife. Gavin was furious. “It was beautiful,” she exclaimed, clasping her hands merrily.
“It was iniquitous,” he answered. “And I, a minister.”
After listening to his scolding, Babbie’s face changed and she became as a child. “I am very sorry,” she said, as if he had caught her stealing jam. The hood had fallen back and she looked at him pleadingly. She had the appearance of one who was entirely in his hands.
“I do not understand you,” Gavin said weakly. Only a few hours ago you were a gypsy girl in a fantastic dress. Now you fling a cloak over your shoulders and become a fine lady. Who are you?”
Babbie answered mischievously, “Perhaps it is the cloak that has bewitched me.” She slipped out of it. “Ay” she said, as if surprised. “It was just the cloak that did it, for now I am a poor ignorant little lassie again. My goodness but clothes do make a difference to a woman.”
This was sheer levity, so the dignified minister walked away, but he was charmed.
A Word of Warning
When speaking to a man... take particular care that you do not wound him emotionally. By this I mean do not say or do anything that would make him feel guilty, ignorant, anxious, humiliated or inferior. Such feelings can be painful, sometimes injurious and will do nothing for either of you but put a wedge in your relationship. Avoid awakening these negative feelings in your husband, your children or anyone you are cultivating a relationship with. The only way we can help anyone to grow is to look to their better side and help them find happiness.
What do I mean by a difficult man? It can mean many things but especially one who is impatient, irritable, angry, grumpy, stubborn, obstinate or just distant. In the 1980 TV movie series, “All in the Family,” Archie Bunker is a perfect example of a difficult man and his wife Edith handled him remarkably well.
What are the...rules for handling such a difficult man? I recommend the following: First, check into your own life...Do you have a smooth running home? Are things picked up around the house? Dinner on time? When dinner is unnecessarily late and he is increasingly hungry, it can bring out the worst in a man. Are you spending too much money? Too much time talking on the phone? And how are you treating him?... Do you build him, or trample on him? Are you nourishing his soul with appreciation and admiration, and filling his other masculine needs?...
Next, check into his life. Is he having problems in his work? Are his plans being frustrated? Is he overloaded with responsibility with no solution in sight? Under a strain? Is he working for a goal that is draining off his energy, his patience? Or is his life the opposite - dull and monotonous, passing him by with nothing to show for it? How is his health? Does he feel up to par physically? If any of the above applies you can help him immeasurably by being patient and understanding, by expressing sympathy for his problems and trust in his ability to solve problems or reach his goals. When a man’s life is difficult his wife has her best opportunity to prove her worth. She is more indispensable to his happiness.
And last, you may have to accept some of his obstinacy as inborn. Some men have thin nerves. Life is more difficult for them. So, accept his short tempered nature as a part of him and don’t try to change him into a sweet tempered man or you may be in for more trouble. He may not know how to change and this can frustrate him, trap his emotions and make him more ill tempered than ever. It has been observed by some that the higher a man’s goals the more short-tempered he is inclined to be. We have covered the three possible causes of a man’s difficult nature and the best way to deal with them. But, how should a woman react at the moment a man is difficult? The following are two positive methods...:
One way is to be feminine. Use a gentle approach. An old Christian Hymn reads, “You can speak a gentle word, to the heart with anger stirred.” It is a method of handling an irritable husband in a way that will disarm him so that his anger softens or even disappears.
An excellent example of this is the way in which Mrs. Carl Sandberg handled her husband, recorded in the book, A Great and Glorious Romance. The Sandberg’s daughter Helga writes of her parents, “There never were loud arguments back and forth in our house. My father raged and roared, and often. But it was one way. My mother coaxed him out of it. Once when he was very old I saw him pull at a door that was stuck. He rattled the handle and shouted. My mother, a small woman, looked up at him and patted his chest. “What a fine strong voice,” she said. Disarmed he stood there, in love. It was a thread established early, and woven through their life.”
The second and probably the best way to handle a difficult man, at the moment he is difficult, is to react (with)...teasing playfulness... The prime example I have given of this quality is Babbie from the novel The Little Minister by James Barrie. Babbie is such an excellent example that I have devoted most of the chapter to quotes from the book, which demonstrate her childlike quality of teasing playfulness in handling the short tempered Little Minister in a way that won his heart and soul. To quote from the book:
Babbie had tricked the Little Minister into helping her escape through a line of soldiers by pretending to be his wife. Gavin was furious. “It was beautiful,” she exclaimed, clasping her hands merrily.
“It was iniquitous,” he answered. “And I, a minister.”
After listening to his scolding, Babbie’s face changed and she became as a child. “I am very sorry,” she said, as if he had caught her stealing jam. The hood had fallen back and she looked at him pleadingly. She had the appearance of one who was entirely in his hands.
“I do not understand you,” Gavin said weakly. Only a few hours ago you were a gypsy girl in a fantastic dress. Now you fling a cloak over your shoulders and become a fine lady. Who are you?”
Babbie answered mischievously, “Perhaps it is the cloak that has bewitched me.” She slipped out of it. “Ay” she said, as if surprised. “It was just the cloak that did it, for now I am a poor ignorant little lassie again. My goodness but clothes do make a difference to a woman.”
This was sheer levity, so the dignified minister walked away, but he was charmed.
A Word of Warning
When speaking to a man... take particular care that you do not wound him emotionally. By this I mean do not say or do anything that would make him feel guilty, ignorant, anxious, humiliated or inferior. Such feelings can be painful, sometimes injurious and will do nothing for either of you but put a wedge in your relationship. Avoid awakening these negative feelings in your husband, your children or anyone you are cultivating a relationship with. The only way we can help anyone to grow is to look to their better side and help them find happiness.